“I generally advise people to hold off on revealing information until things have become exclusive and serious,” says Dr.Diana Kirschner, a New York-based psychologist and author of Love in 90 Days. “With STDs, plain old integrity means you have to reveal that kind of information before you become sexually active,” says Dr. “But for most other things, you want to have enough of a relationship that has grown between you two to weather these disclosures.”Still, the third-date reveal can go either way.“His age became a running joke between us.”However, not all biography goes over so well.When Elizabeth told a guy on a third date that her grandfather had been the CEO of a major international conglomerate, she never heard from him again. Psychologically, Kirschner says, the third date is a moment when you are just starting to relax.“He revealed this along with similarly deep and complicated personal and family issues,” says Massa.“It was intense to say the least.” A fourth date, it turned out, was not in the cards.Disclosing information, particularly if it’s personal, is a time-tested way to connect.Rebecca Wiegand, 26, who, along with Massa, co-founded wtfisupwithmylovelife.com, told “Dylan,” on their third date that she has a “gaggle,” a group of guys in her life that fall somewhere between friend and more-than-a-friend.
He worked in an industry where there was a high premium placed on being young.The second date is more interesting because at this point both of you have found something interesting and appealing about each other that you wish to pursue and know more about to see where it all leads.The third date is a very important date because it determines a lot of things and it determines the direction your ‘relationship’ is heading.But it also seems to lead to a more generally disclosure-based date, in which confessions about felony convictions and plastic surgery make their debut.“It’s oddly funny how people give away what prescriptions they are taking on a third date,” says Dan, a 25-year-old filmmaker in Los Angeles. One girl said to me, ‘If I didn’t take my Xanax, I don’t know what I would do.’ Another started dishing about the eccentricities that required her to be on Klonopin.”Some details go over better than others.“When women tell what meds they take, it’s usually a big turn-off,” says Dan.In short, I was crazy about him.” Then, for some reason, Ellie went for the big reveal: she told him she was still together with her high-school boyfriend. Anecdotally, the third-date confession has become so legendary that some people have come to fear the third date for what they’ll learn about the up-to-now-wonderful person smiling at them from across the table.“One girl said to me, ‘If I didn’t take my Xanax, I don’t know what I would do.’ Another started dishing about the eccentricities that required her to be on Klonopin.”“I have a friend who, on the third date, told the guy she was seeing that she had herpes, in anticipation of the fact that they might sleep together that night,” says Elizabeth, 30, a clinical social worker in New York.